A Remedy for Concupiscence, but Not Like That

Icon of the Immaculate Conception

Marriage, as traditionally-minded Catholics know, has long been called the “remedy for concupiscence.”  There’s nothing wrong with the phrase itself – in fact (I hear), it shows up in the writings of St. Augustine and St. Thomas Aquinas. But sometimes words change their meaning over time and, stripped of context, can come to signify really horrible things.

One of those really horrible things is this idea: that permission to indulge sexual desires will somehow quell and order them.

Or this idea: that some people are blessed with a great grace that allows them to control their sexual desires, and these people become priests and nuns. Other people are just SO CRAZY FULL OF LUST that there isn’t anything you can do for them except marry them off. If you do that, they can act on their desires and at least it will be licit. And they’ll have kids, which I suppose we need – I mean, where else is the next generation of priests going to come from?

Neither of these ideas makes any sense in the context of the rest of Catholic tradition.

Let’s look at the first idea to begin with.

If you’re struggling with gluttony – that is, a disordered desire for food (as opposed to a healthy one) – what should you do? You could hang out in the kitchen all afternoon, peek in the fridge between meals, and keep a candy dish on your desk. Or you could go to the library, sans candy dish. Which scenario is going to help you get your desire for food back in the right order? (Hint: it’s the abstinence one.)

Likewise, if you’re struggling with lust – that is, a disordered desire for sex (as opposed to a healthy one) – what should you do? You could move in with an attractive member of the opposite sex who sleeps next to you and changes clothes in front of you. Or you could go to the monastery, sans people of the opposite sex. What do you think will actually help?

Let’s look at the second idea, that marriage is for people who aren’t able to do the sexual self-mastery thing.

I once heard a priest say he knew plenty of single young men who struggled with pornography addiction, and many of them seemed to be under the impression that if they just had a wife, they could kick their porn habit easy-peasy. This is the logical conclusion of the “remedy for concupiscence” interpretation we are now considering.

Let’s say these young men manage to convince women to marry them (unlikely, since most marriage-minded women aren’t too keen on replacing a porn star act). What are they going to do if they need to use NFP? What happens if their wives get the flu? Or menstrual cramps? Can these women count on them to be faithful till death if they get into some kind of accident and become physically incapable of sex?

Marriage is a sacrament of love, and as such it requires husbands to love their wives with actual love which sometimes means reining in sexual desires.

Everybody struggles with sin, and we all mess up, but a person isn’t ready to make any kind of vow if he or she doesn’t have a mature, adult handle on chastity (and all the other virtues). A person hooked on lust is going to make a lousy priest, or a lousy nun, or a lousy husband, or a lousy wife.

If marriage is a “remedy for concupiscence” in the sense of “concession for lustful people,” why is it a sacrament? We need the sacraments because we are sinners, but all the other sacraments have to do with strengthening our souls to resist sin and healing our souls from the effects of sin. Why would we have one sacrament that’s all about changing a person’s circumstances so they can do what they want without it being a sin? That doesn’t make any sense.

The “remedy for concupiscence” is a remedy – that is, something that heals a person, not something that gives the sickness free reign. Marriage is a sacrament and as such gives us sacramental graces – that is, very specific help for a person to handle the specific trials he or she will face in living out that sacrament. One grace that married people need is the grace to keep their sexual desires ordered in a relationship that includes sex. God gives them this grace in the sacrament of marriage, which is how the sacrament of marriage remedies concupiscence.

Marriage works just like all the other sacraments (and about as well, so don’t expect it to cure your porn addiction if confession hasn’t). It doesn’t make lust okay; it strengthens us in our efforts to replace it with genuine love.

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Recommended reading: Combating the Contraceptive Understanding of Celibacy by Eric M. Johnston, Ph.D, at Homiletic and Pastoral Review

Image courtesy of another blogger with whose opinions I heartily disagree.